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Slowly turning my head, I looked around the room. It wasn’t a hospital. Didn’t look like a prison either. Someone must have brought me to their home. Who would do that? Hope they weren’t planning on robbing me, I didn’t have anything worth stealing. I’d taken to stealing or begging to get money for the bar. The Morphinal I stole from a warehouse that was housing it. I’m sure Jenna would be really proud!

  The door opened and a man stepped in. It took a moment for my eyes to focus. “Tom?” I whispered.

  “You’re alive then,” he said.

  “This is your place?”

  My mind was having a hard time focusing, was he real? Or another illusion?

  “Yeah. Thought you died in the barn. How did you survive?” he said coldly.

  “What’s with the tone? I know you aren’t my number one fan, but you could sound a little happy,” I joked.

  “It’s really not funny, Wesley.”

  “Yeah, but you either laugh or you cry, right?” And I’d done my share of crying already.

  “How did you survive?”

  I shrugged, immediately regretting the movement as it sent pain shooting through my head. “I don’t know. A fluke. I saw the helicopter and what it was about to do. I ran toward the back of the barn, then everything exploded. I managed to land under some bales. They shielded me from the worst of the debris.”

  “That’s…convenient.”

  “I’m going with lucky. Or unlucky, whatever.”

  I really wanted him to leave so I could sleep for a while. The last time we were face to face, he punched me in mine. And asked me to date his daughter so I could keep her under control. Once upon a time I considered him a mentor, a friend, but after everything, I’ll never look at him the same way again.

  I closed my eyes. “Look, Tom, I’m sorry about Angela and…Jenna. They came out of nowhere, if I could have saved them, I would have.” You mean you should have. You failed them both.

  “Jenna is alive, Wesley. She was just in here,” Tom said.

  I stared at him. “No. She was hit by one of the missiles. I saw her die.”

  “She survived. She was in hospital for a few days, but she’s okay.”

  Is he telling the truth? Why would he lie about something like that? To hurt me? I wouldn’t put it past him.

  “Jenna…” I paused to take a shaky breath. “Jenna’s gone. I don’t know why you’re saying this to me. You can blame me if you want, I blame me. I would have done anything to save her. It should have been me who died, I know that. I’m not worth anything.” Why Jenna ever went near me was a mystery. Except she said that she loved me. And I never said it back.

  Tom stared at me for a long time before speaking. “Are you working for Chaos?”

  “What? Are you crazy? After what they did? No! Why would you ask me that?”

  “Jenna found a phone hidden upstairs at the farmhouse. It had a message from Chaos on it.”

  I shook my head. “What phone?” What was he talking about? How could he think that I would ever work for them?

  He took a deep breath. “It was Angela,” he muttered.

  “What about Angela?”

  Shaking his head, he moved to the bedroom door and opened it. “Jenna, come in here, please.”

  “Not after what he said,” I heard Jenna yell back.

  I sat up quickly, making the room spin. Dropping back onto the pillow, I clutched my head. She’s alive! Jenna’s alive. He wasn’t lying.

  Tom put a hand on my shoulder. “Just rest. Jenna can speak to you later.”

  “No, I need to see her.”

  “Rest. You can see her later.”

  He left the room. My head was pounding too much to stand up. I would just lie here for a minute and then go see her.

  She’s alive.

  ***

  Jenna

  “What do you mean he thought I was dead?” I snapped.

  “He saw you get shot at and he thought you died,” Dad said. He was trying to make some dinner for us, but I could tell he was distracted.

  He wasn’t the only one. Part of me wanted to run in there and hug him, the other half wanted to kick his ass for being stupid enough to go back on the drugs. He was a total mess. Then there was what he said to me. What did he think I was? A ghost?

  “I don’t…why would he do this to himself?” I asked. He had come so far, now he was in an even worse state than he was when Breton had him locked up.

  “He…can’t believe I’m actually defending him, but he lost everything, again, and he turned back to the drugs. Is that really so surprising?”

  “I didn’t turn to drugs when I thought he was dead.”

  “You’re not an addict.”

  I looked at the bedroom door. Should I go in and talk to him?

  “Let him sleep. The next few weeks are going to be hell,” Dad said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Withdrawal. We’ll need to keep him locked in the bedroom until he gets it out of his system. I can move him to my room if you want?”

  “No, it’s fine. I’ll sleep on the couch. How bad are we talking?”

  Dad sighed. “I’ve seen it before, when he started working with me. He’s going to say anything to be let out, you can’t listen to him. That door only opens to give him food and I will be the one to do it.”

  “I think I can take on Wesley,” I said.

  “He’ll try and talk you round, convince you that he’s fine.”

  “I’m not stupid, Dad.”

  “Well I was. I believed him and let him out early when he went through this before. He went straight out and bought some more.”

  I never knew that. Last time the X01 flushed it out of his system. I thought about the time at the farmhouse. I finally felt like I got to see the real him, with no soldiers looking to shoot us and no drugs. We were happy.

  He could have killed himself taking that damn Morphinal.

  I just needed to cool off. I could talk to him in the morning. Opening the window, I climbed out onto the fire escape to sit until dinner was ready.

  If he survived, did that mean that Mom did too? It was too much to hope for and if she did, then there was the small matter of her connection to Chaos. Just because she had the phone, didn’t mean that she was lying all this time. They could have threatened her. Dad was right, I might never know the truth.

  Resting my head against the steps, I closed my eyes. At least things couldn’t get any more complicated.

  7

  Jenna

  After a restless night of sleep on the couch, I was ready to speak to Wesley. Or as ready as I’d ever be. Dad left earlier to get a lock for the door, so Wesley couldn’t leave the room. This would be my only chance to talk to him without Dad hovering.

  I knocked once before entering. Wesley lay on his front, his head partially hanging over the side of the bed. From the smell, I was guessing he had thrown up again, into the bucket Dad left beside the bed. I’ve never seen him in withdrawal before, but I assumed this was normal while he got that poison out of his system.

  “Wesley?” I said softly. “Are you awake?”

  He opened his eyes slowly. “Yeah. Hard to sleep when you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck.” He tried to sit up.

  “No, don’t get up. Seriously, stay where you are,” I said. He flopped back down onto the bed and groaned.

  I perched on the edge of the bed, near his legs. There were so many thoughts running through my head, I didn’t know where to start.

  “I thought you were dead,” he said.

  “Yeah, I thought the same about you. Guess we were both wrong.”

  “You must hate me right now.”

  I hesitated. “I don’t hate you. I’m not happy with you, but I don’t hate you.”

  He reached out his hand to me. I hesitated before taking it. His hand felt clammy. I knew that it was only a matter of time before his addiction took over and he tried to get more Morphinal. I didn’t want this Wesley, not the addict, I wanted th
e one from the farmhouse. It may be selfish, but this isn’t fair.

  “You can’t do this again,” I said.

  “I know. I’ll stop, I promise.”

  “Can you though?” I asked. It was easy for him to slip, to take more Morphinal, how many more times would he do it? How long before he overdosed or did irreparable damage to himself?

  “Yes, I’ll do it for you.”

  “You need to do it for yourself, Wesley, not anyone else.” I let go of his hand. “Which is why we can’t be together. Not now at least.”

  “What? Jenna don’t.”

  The front door opened, Dad was back. “You need to get better. That’s what is important right now.”

  I closed the bedroom door, holding onto the handle. A minute later, Wesley practically fell into it. He tried to pull the door open. “Jenna! Why won’t the door open? Let me out.”

  “Dad, put the lock on. Hurry,” I said.

  Moving as quickly as he could, he attached a lock to the door while I held it closed. Wesley continued to bang on the door, yelling to be let out.

  “We’re doing the right thing,” Dad said.

  I nodded, but I wasn’t sure what that was anymore.

  ***

  Jenna

  “Jenna, open the door. Please, I can’t stay in here any longer,” Wesley called.

  He had been yelling for hours, then after Dad left to meet up with a lead, he switched to pleading. I was doing my best not to react, but it was hard. It had been a week, he wasn’t ready to come out yet. Dad was the one who brought him his food while I held the door closed. He said it could be a few more weeks before he was done drying out.

  I tried to distract myself by cleaning the apartment, not that it really needed it. Then I started cutting vegetables for dinner. My recon work had been cut down so that there would always be someone in the apartment with Wesley. We couldn’t have him yelling to be let out in case that noisy old bat across the hall called the AS.

  “Please open the door, Jenna. I feel like I’m dying,” Wesley said. He sounded awful.

  “I can’t, you know that,” I called back.

  “Can I at least have some water?” he asked.

  Should I give him some? Dad left a glass by his bed earlier. He did say not to open the door alone.

  I can handle him. I filled a glass from the faucet and approached the door.

  “I have the water. Move back from the door.”

  “Okay.”

  I waited, hesitating before I unlocked it. I opened it slowly to find Wesley across the room, near the bed.

  At least he is co-operating.

  “Dinner will be ready soon,” I said. The room was a mess. The bedding was bunched up on the floor and there were papers scattered across the carpet. The first couple of days had been rough.

  “Why don’t you sit in here for a while? We can talk.”

  “I don’t think so. I have things to do.”

  “I’m going crazy in here. If you could just let me out for some air? Ten minutes.”

  “No. Here’s your water.” I moved forward, holding the glass out to him. I noticed the full one behind him on the nightstand, the one he was trying to hide, a second before he slapped the glass out of my hand and threw himself over the bed toward the door.

  I caught him before he reached it, grabbing his shirt and dragging him back.

  “I have to get out!” he cried.

  Shoving him onto the bed, I quickly left the room and locked the door behind me.

  “Did you really think that would work?” I yelled.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Keep the door locked. It’s the only way.” I heard a thump as he leaned against the door. I sank to the floor, my back against it.

  “I know it’s not easy. But you’ll get through this.”

  “Maybe it would have been better if you left me in that alley. How did you find me anyway?”

  “Someone heard you saying you were going to take down Gene-Pharm.”

  “Oh, yeah. I tend to run at the mouth when I drink.”

  “Where did you go? After the farmhouse.”

  “I woke up in the debris. I was bleeding, concussed. I saw them fire that missile at you, I was sure that you were gone. They had someone on the ground too. He was checking for survivors. Jen…I killed him. He went for me and I killed him. It was an accident, I was trying to defend myself.”

  It wasn’t the first time he had to kill someone. He killed Lewis to save me. But Lewis had been a zombie at the time, it wasn’t the same thing. “It’s not your fault. They were trying to kill us all.”

  “It still haunts me. After, I wandered off in a daze. Passed out in a ditch about a mile down the road.”

  “To think, our biggest problem before that was finding the perfect make out spot.”

  Wesley laughed softly. “Yeah, it seems like a dream now.”

  “Maybe it was. Wesley did you ever suspect that my mom was part of Chaos?”

  “Is that a joke?”

  “No, I found a phone under her bed with a message from Chaos.”

  “I don’t know what to say. I never saw anything. If she was part of Chaos, why would she have been in that containment camp? She could have had them break her out.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Jen, she loved you. No matter what else, just remember that.”

  8

  Jenna

  “Welcome to freedom,” Dad said as he opened the bedroom door to let Wesley out.

  Wesley gave him a weak smile, but he looked relieved. He had lost weight and the bags under his eyes made it look like he hadn’t slept in months. I stood on the other side of the room, unsure of what to do.

  “I could make us all some pancakes,” I said eager for something to do. It was going to be hell us all living in this tiny apartment together. I was standing by what I said, Wesley and I couldn’t be together, not until he sorted himself out. Maybe not even then.

  Wesley took a seat on the couch looking awkward. It didn’t last long as Dad set a laptop on his lap. “Straight to work, huh?”

  “It will keep you occupied,” Dad said. He reeled off a list of instructions while I continued making breakfast. Every now and again I would glance up and catch Wesley staring at me.

  Please stop giving me those puppy dog eyes, I thought. I hated this. There was nothing I wanted more than to be with him, to forget all the crap that had happened. But I couldn’t. it wasn’t just the drugs if I was being honest. I couldn’t stand to have my heart broken again. Chaos found us once, they could find us again. I couldn’t watch anyone else die.

  Just keep busy, I thought as I brought the pancakes to the table. I could ask Dad to put me back on recon now that he was out. That way I could limit my time around him.

  Dad and Wesley took their seats. Dad tucked in, but Wesley only picked at his breakfast.

  “Are they that bad?” I asked.

  “No, they’re good. Just not very hungry.” He made the effort to eat a bite of it though.

  “These are great. Where did you learn to make them?” Dad asked, drowning his in syrup.

  “From Mom. She was teaching me how to cook on the farm.”

  There was a moment’s silence, broken by Dad. “Did I ever tell you about the first time she cooked for us?”

  I shook my head. He wasn’t one to regale us with stories. Not about his marriage anyway.

  “It was our one-month anniversary and she was determined to do something special. We were out in the cabin and we didn’t have much food. Your mom got it into her head that she could trap a rabbit and make rabbit stew. Apparently, her grandmother used to cook it for her when she was little. She set a trap and everything. I didn’t think she would pull it off but at the end of the day, she came in with a rabbit. She seemed really pleased at proving me wrong. Later, when we were eating it, she told me the story of how she snared it. And I believed her, until I bit into some buckshot and cra
cked a tooth. She actually stole the rabbit from a hunter in a nearby blind.”

  Wesley laughed, but my mind immediately went to a dark place. Was that the truth? Or did she shoot it herself? Maybe her plan was to learn what she could from Dad and then take him out. I pushed the thought away. I had to stop thinking like that, and only focus on the good memories. Whether she lied or not, she was still the woman who raised me.

  “I always liked Angela’s cooking,” Wesley said. “Even when we didn’t have very much, she could make a hell of a meal.”

  “That was Mom. She could always surprise you,” I said, trying to rein in any bitterness I felt.

  Dad placed a hand on mine. “I know we really haven’t had a chance to mourn your mother. When this is over, we’ll do something nice to remember her by.”

  I nodded, but when would it be over? When would we finally be free?

  ***

  Wesley

  Jenna was avoiding me. She could barely look at me. I kept my eyes on the laptop in front of me, trying to ignore the voice in the back of my mind that was screaming for a hit. No chance.

  I couldn’t screw up again, if I did, we were done. There would be no way back.

  Tom wanted me to hack some files to try and find out if Chaos was still operating and what they were up to. They sent coded messages to operatives on certain sites. It was just a matter of deciphering them, but I could barely think. I was so tired. I would sleep for an hour or two before waking from horrible nightmares. Nightmares about Jenna dying, the man I killed, zombies attacking. It was awful. The only way I knew how to stop them was to take Morphinal and since that wasn’t an option anymore, I just had to hope that they would go away eventually.

  “How’s it going?” Tom asked, setting a mug of tea on the table for me. Wishing it was something stronger, I took a sip.

  “I might have found one. Posted an hour ago.”

  Tom turned the computer to check the message. “Work on it. One of my contacts was worried they were planning something big. I’m worried it’s a bomb.”

  “If it’s at Gene-Pharm maybe we should be helping them.”